Thanks to a reader for sending this along:

POLITICAL THEORY IN ONE SENTENCE (or maybe two) :

Feminists: A man bought you a cow. You think the fact that bulls don't produce milk is proof that white men unfairly dominate the world through a vast, million-year-long conspiracy. Suddenly, you notice a striking resemblence between yourself and the cows, but the cows look better and have less hair on their face. You take more money from a man, buy a bull and moo at its evil penis.

Muslims: You have one bull. You kill him thinking you are going to get 72 young cows instead. When that doesn't happen, you claim Israel took the cows.

Africans: You own all the cows in the country - which are 2. You don't know how to take care of them. They die. You claim colonization in past centuries is at fault and demand compensation from the West.

American Capitalists: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Now you have a herd.

French/Europeans: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you demand that the government give you 5 cows. You then take a 3 hour lunch break as you drink wine in the middle of the day. Ahhh, life is good.

Communists: Your neighbor has 2 cows. You declare yourself the arbiter of what's fair and unfair, take both cows and promise to feed your neighbor fairly. You then force him to stand in line for 4 hours, curse him out and in the end, give him milk that's expensive and spoiled, while keeping the good milk for yourself.

National Socialists (Nazis): Your neighbor has 2 cows. He can keep the cows, but you are allowed to tell him when and how to milk them, and then take all his profit. Occassionally, you shoot the cows ... or your neighbor.

Democrats: You have one cow, your rich neighbor has 2 cows and your poor neighbor has none. You feel guilty that you have a cow and promise to help the poor neighbor. You steal a cow from your rich neighbor and give it to your poor neighbor, creating equality. The poor neighbor fails to feed the cow and it starves to death. Next year, your rich neighbor breeds another cow, and has 2 cows again. You steal a cow from him again, and give it to the poor neighbor. He again fails to take care of it and it dies, leaving your poor neighbor with nothing again. The rich neighbor breeds another cow and has 2 cows again. You think inequality is unfair ... unless it means giving your own cow to the poor neighbor.

Republicans: You have 2 cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

Greens: You have 2 bulls. You pronounce them 'husband and husband' and the 3 of you moo the "Koombaya" instead of working.

Community Activists: You can find one cow born 3 years ago in Canada who may have had some emotional anger issues, but say it's impossible to locate any of 12 million illegal immigrants.

College students: You drink the milk your parents got from their cows, but think your parents are unenlightened because they own the poor animals and greedy because they work.