Translation of Judd Gregg's statement withdrawing as Commerce Secretary nominee

Yesterday, Senator Judd Gregg (R-NH) withdrew his name from consideration to be Barack Obama's Treasury Secretary, adding yet another failure to Obama's weak attempts at "bipartisanship" and another failure to fill a cabinet post. Unlike the many failed Democratic nominees, Gregg didn't get out because he was a tax dodger or likely to be investigated for corruption. I wonder whether Gregg's move will add to pressure on any of the three Senate RINOs who voted for the "stimulus" to change their votes in the final round.

Senator Gregg released a statement, which you can read HERE, explaining his decision. For those of you not well acquainted with Washington, DC beltway-speak, I am assisting you with the following English translation. I encourage you read the original release and then the translation, or read them together, a paragraph at a time, thinking of it as a language lesson.

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SENATOR GREGG STATEMENT ON HIS WITHDRAWAL FROM CONSIDERATION OF U.S. COMMERCE SECRETARY
February 12, 2009

Contact: Howard Roark/Hank Rearden (GREGG)

Sen. Gregg stated, "I'm no longer willing to serve as President Obama's fig leaf in his game of artificial bipartisanship which nobody but the NY Times is believing. Although I was really looking forward to this career-extending opportunity, I'm sure the President can find other Senators...like Snowe and Specter, for example, more willing to sell their souls to convince the American people that the President is not a radical leftist.

"It has become apparent during this process that even the amazing chance to get the hell out of the den of thieves known as the Senate was just not worth having the ignominy of supporting our nation's greatest step toward socialism in two generations. Furthermore, the fact that during this process, the important process of conducting our national census was stripped from the department I would have overseen -- in one of the most naked attempts at trying to politicize what must be an objective non-partisan effort -- made it clear to me that the current administration represents anything but "hope and change". It's politics as usual, on steroids.

"Obviously, if the President wants a Republican on his team, he's either going to need one who is less principled, less intelligent, or a better liar than I am.

"I greatly admire President Obama's ability to win in a landslide and I was hoping to ride his coat-tails to a longer career, but since I'd feel like I needed to take a shower with an Ajax and Clorox scrub every time I agreed with him on an economic issue, I must withdraw my name from consideration for this position.

“As we move forward, I expect there will be many issues and initiatives where I can and will work to assure the success of the President’s proposals. This will certainly be a goal of mine.

"I will support President Obama on the 1% of ideas he has regarding commerce that aren't economically ridiculous and born of a domination of leftist bias over an understanding of history. Actually, since 1% is probably far too high an estimate, the whole concept of supporting the President on issues of commerce is entirely theoretical.

"Kathy and I want to ask Governor Lynch how it felt to be pushed around by a President of his own party, and although we really like Bonnie Newman we wonder if she thought she could get such a cushy job without paying her dues like the rest of us. In addition, we want to thank the people of New Hampshire who told me that I must have my head up my ass to even think that I should take the Commerce Secretary job, particularly given the seniority my state would lose in its Senate representation.

"And just to be clear, I'm not a tax cheat nor likely to be charged with corruption, like so many of President Obama's truly embarrassing choices for Cabinet positions. I can't believe I even allowed myself to be put in a position anywhere near that sleazeball, Tom Daschle. No, I quit only because I couldn't live with myself if I had to support our country's rapid march toward socialism...not that my quitting will do anything to stop it. But at least the death threats and people will stop keying my car (you hear me, Mitch McConnell?!?)

  • Karen
    Comment from: Karen
    02/13/09 @ 07:40:04 am

    This post is sooo true! LOL funny too! I needed a laugh today I haven't been laughing since January 19th.

  • Lucy Stern
    Comment from: Lucy Stern
    02/13/09 @ 07:42:29 am

    Obama is really slick isn't he...He got Hillary into position, just to keep her quiet, and "benched" her. He would have done the same thing with this guy....

  • Colleen
    Comment from: Colleen
    02/13/09 @ 07:59:33 am

    This was hysterical! I loved every word. I believe this WAS an accurate interpretation of the actual meaning of Gregg's statement.

  • Wesley
    Comment from: Wesley
    02/13/09 @ 08:16:35 am

    Ross, your DC decoder ring is spot on!

  • Mike DePinto
    Comment from: Mike DePinto
    02/13/09 @ 09:27:04 am

    Can you imagine if Gregg had the guts to actually say it that way? Me either, but that was a great piece. I'm glad Gregg refused to join Obama's "let's not waste a serious crisis" team.

  • James Baar
    Comment from: James Baar
    02/13/09 @ 09:32:59 am

    The Touch of the Leper Returns

    GOP Sen. Judd Gregg’s decision to withdraw as nominee for Commerce Secretary in President Obama’s alleged Cabinet of “rivals” fully confirms the corruption and vacuity of the phrases “in a bipartisan way” and “reach across the aisle.”

    The correct definition of “bipartisan” and “reach across the aisle” is clearly spinspeak for “you do it my way and I’ll invite you to pose with me on TV.”

    To reach across the aisle, as Sen. Gregg makes clear, is the touch of the leper and those doing it should be forced as lepers were in the Middle Ages to wear numerous warning bells and special colorful leper clothing

  • Jared J. H. Catapano
    Comment from: Jared J. H. Catapano
    02/13/09 @ 01:40:08 pm

    Listen, if it gets down to it, I'LL be Commerce Secretary. I haven't eluded the IRS and the amount of money I've made in the past 4 years isn't even close to the amount of money hidden by these politicians. Can we find someone who's not a crook or crazy? Maybe not...

    http://politic.ology.com/2009/02/12/you-there-ill-give-you-five-bucks-to-be-commerce-secretary/

    -Jared J. H. Catapano (ology.com)

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